The Descent- Why Everything Falls Apart Before It Gets Better

You’d be fair to assume that the hardest part of a life transition is the Fracture, the ending itself. The breakup, the loss, the decision, the point where something clearly changes.

That is definitely hard. But in my experience, and in the stories I hear from others, the hardest part can often come afterwards.

This is the stage I call The Descent… or the ‘bit where your life burns down to the ground’ a lot of the time!

It’s the stage where you expect things to start improving, to start hurting less, to start a new life… but instead everything seems to keep unravelling. You try to move forwards - but life feels heavier, more uncertain, and far less stable than you ever imagined.

And the ‘burning’ can genuinely feel as though the life you knew is being reduced to ashes. Not just the big pieces, but the smaller ones as well. Your routines, your sense of identity, the roles you once held with confidence. Even the beliefs you carried about yourself can begin to loosen or fall away.

It’s a really unsettling time. Some of the things you may feel are disoriented, vulnerable, and far more emotional than usual. Grief can show up in unexpected ways. Ordinary tasks can suddenly feel exhausting. Things that once felt simple may start to feel overwhelming.

And in the middle of all of this, there is often a very strong urge to go back. To return to what was familiar, rebuild the old life as quickly as possible… To undo the ending and restore a sense of normality.

That’s a really human response. When the ground beneath you feels unstable, of course you want solid footing again. Of course you want certainty, relief.

But however it feels to the contrary, this stage is not a sign that everything has gone wrong. It’s part of the clearing process that allows real change to take root.

Just as a fire clears land and makes space for new growth, the Descent clears away what can no longer hold you. It’s extremely uncomfortable, and sometimes painful, but it is not pointless.

Because this stage can be so intense, support becomes especially important here.

That support might look like talking to someone you trust. It might mean working with a therapist, or involve body-based practices that help you feel more grounded in your physical self when emotions are running high.

You don’t have to manage this alone.

If everything feels like it’s falling apart right now, it doesn’t mean your life is ending. It may mean that something is being cleared, even if you cannot yet see what will grow in its place.

Give yourself permission to seek support, to move slowly, and to take care of yourself whilst the ground is shifting.

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If you would like some guidance as you find your footing, I’ve created a free workshop that walks through the stages of a life transition and helps you make sense of where you might be right now.

You can read the earlier stage here: The Fracture: Where Life Transitions Begin

And the next stage is coming soon!